I guess this is the final

During this quarter, I think that I have written a lot more in my own personal journal than in the journal for this class. I tend to have to censor things to make it school appropriate. I wrote a piece in my school journal called “She’s Not Me” and I don’t exactly know what it’s about, but I kept picturing a random girl by the ocean and all the things that she Is like..so I just wrote about that. I think that one of my favorite pieces this year was one of the ones published in the Think Magazine. It was the one about the tides and although I wrote it in about twenty minutes, it turned out pretty well. I guess I should stay up late and be sleep deprived more often because that’s when it seems like my writing is the best.

Recently, I haven’t read that much, other than long text posts on Tumblr. But I did start reading “Tell the Wolves I’m Home” and the first chapter made me a little bit teary eyed so I feel like that will happen throughout the rest of the book. I’ve also read other classmates’ posts on their blogs and it’s cool to read all the different writing styles that everyone has. Some of us as funny and creative while the rest of us are realistic and kinda sad. But I guess it works both ways and it’s so cool to think about how we all sit in the lab and listen to the sound of fingers typing on the keyboard but then we get so many different kinds of writing and I think that is beautiful.

When I set up my blog, it reminded me of when I first got a Tumblr account. Except it wasn’t as confusing this time and it was actually really easy for me. I came up with the name for my blog by using the name of my main Tumblr blog. I really like the word “misadventure” because it means mistakes and I think I’ve made enough mistakes to be able to name my blog “misadventure”. I also had a hyphen in it because that’s how it is on tumblr and that’s only because someone already has the url I wanted without the hyphen. That’s alright though, I still like my url. I think that the only people that have read it are people from this class but I would find it really cool if I found this blog one day in the future and go back and read what I was like when I was some dumb 18 year old in a little town that seems so insignificant. I don’t know if I will continue to write on this blog, but I do that I’ll continue to post on tumblr for a long time. I can’t exactly say that I know what I’ll write about because I write when I feel like it and I write for a ton of different reasons.

A lot of the writing in my journal doesn’t make sense. I find that I write a lot in the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning. I think I just write about things that are happening to me like as if I’m going to find some kind of answer by writing down my feelings and basically complaining to a piece of paper. I don’t think that I want anyone to read my journal but I do know that I will journal forever. I don’t think I’d be able to function without it because I wouldn’t know how else to express myself since I’m not very good at talking about things. I’ll write about life in general and I guess I’ll document this weird rollercoaster that I’m on.

Journal Entry: “Dear dad,

                                                I hate you. (x30)

                                                                I’m sorry, I love you.

                                                                                                -Laura

I’ve always been shorter, smaller, and less important.

Sometimes I think I might be a part of the sky.

Or maybe a piece of driftwood.

Sailing endlessly, pointlessly.

I think that’s all I will ever be.

You’ve always been the moon.

You change the tides when you’re around.

You are the entire ocean at every depth.

Vast and unfathomable.

How lovely.

I don’t know if I’ve ever considered myself to be a creative writer but I do write a lot in my spare time whether it be in a journal or on a back of a receipt. I didn’t change my writing that much so I don’t know if I was creative….but I hope I was. In the future, I know that I will keep on writing so if my writing this quarter was creative, then I guess I’ll be writing creatively for the rest of my life. When I write, it’s like a everything that I feel can be let go without hurting anyone because I can write things and never tell anyone. I’ve never been the kind of person to talk about my feelings to a person in person but I feel like I can so that through my writing. Lol that was cheesy and gross.

Finally, I’m so glad that I am getting out of this town. I’ve never stayed in one place for more than two years and I’ve been in Missouri for almost 3 now. I can’t wait to meet new people and make new memories but I’ll never forget the people that I’ve met here and in a way, a part of me will stay in this little old dreadful town in the middle of nowhere important. I don’t think that was inspiring, but I’m just glad that I made it this far and this is only the beginning even when it felt like it was the end at times.

This is...

This is a woman with grey hair

To match her empty eyes

That went blank after all that she has seen

This is a woman who worries about her sons

And if they’re still fighting a war that can’t be won.

They left a few months ago

And never came home.

This is loneliness and desperation.

She watches the sun rise and set every single day.

But nothing changes and everything stays the same.

This is a woman who constantly wonders “What if”

What if everything were different?

This is a soul overrun with chaos

A demolished soul

And a withering body.

Golden Gate Guardian

I have heard over and over again that someone, somewhere in the world tries to commit suicide every 45 seconds. As we’re waiting for the final school bell of the day, someone could have taken their life. I don’t think that our society does enough to raise awareness about mental illness. I can’t imagine the amount of self-loathing someone has to have before they start to think about taking their own life. And I don’t want to imagine the state of mind that they are in when they do decide to take matters into their own hands and use a permanent solution to solve a temporary problem. The officer in this picture was probably just doing his job when he came across this obviously distraught man that was on the verge of ending his life. I think that he is more of a hero than the ones that we read about in comic books because no one ever talks about internal struggles in stories. No one writes comics about an average person fighting a battle that can’t be explained with words. I’ve also seen pictures of these two men reunited eight years later. Kevin Berthia (the man on the bridge) is now happily married and has a few children of his own. I’m glad that the officer was there that day to talk Kevin out of suicide because now he has the ability to look back on life and be proud of himself because he made it through the worst and things got better even though they didn’t seem like they ever would.

Photo Hunt

Someone who makes me laugh/smile

 

"What does paper drink to get drunk?...Scotch..tape."-Garrick

I think Garrick is too good for this world and he deserves all the gummy worms that he desires.

#hefollowsmeontwitter

Someone who has taught me something or helped me somehow

 Rowan (the girl in front) has been one of the people has been in my life the longest and she's definitely seen me through hell and back 

#StopRowan2k15

A book

 

I guess I forgot that we were supposed to take a picture of one book..so I took a picture of a bunch of books. 

#BtwEllenHopkinsisinSpringfield2nite

Something Square

 

I enjoy the multi-cultural light switches in the girls' bathroom. Its nice to have something other than matching switches..or maybe they couldn't find one to match.

#diversity

Something Round 

Waterfalls are pretty cool and all. They're calming and whatnot. They sound like the ocean..you know..the one NOT in Missouri. 

#salted

An Interesting Angle

I climbed on top on the bathroom stall to take this picture and Emily was laughing at me the entire time. I'm glad no one was in the stalls next to me.

#peepingtom

Something Handwritten

I had a friend write "I love you" in a ton of different languages for me in my journal and I miss her very much.

#Itsbeenawhile

Something from Nature

How ironic, a picture of a flower..because that's all that nature has to offer..right? There was another flower that I didn't take a picture of because it was dead. It's a metaphor, obviously.

#basic

Something that looks like a face but isn't really 

I'm kinda glad that this isn't a real face because I don't know how I would feel about coming into orchestra everyday and seeing an actual face pressed up against the glass.

#tybg 

Something a little kid might notice or find interesting

I can almost hear an annoying little kid freaking out over the fact that these index cards aren't while. And I can almost hear myself rolling my eyes.

#swerve

Something that makes me nostalgic/brings back memories

 I have to say that this was one of the best weekends of my life and I will never forget the weird adventures we had. 

#Kindawishtheyweregraduatingwithme

Something that irritates me

I'm not going to say that all boys are irritating..but most of them are. I mean I guess they're good in a way, but they are mostly just gross.

#bye

Something that is beautiful

Okay so I know this is a picture of my violin but still..I think that musical instruments are the most beautiful things ever because they hold so much potential and I unlock more and more of it everyday. 

#Couldveputapictureofmyguitaraswell

Something that will always remind you of being at KHS

I think that every time I see a picture of a native American, I'll think about KHS. Although I haven't really spent much time here..and I'm kinda glad to be leaving soon.

#notsorry

101 Things

1.       I was born on February 28^th 1997

2.       I was born in Singapore, where I lived until I was 9..ish.

3.       My mom’s side of the family consists of seven aunts and only one uncle.

4.       I have two aunts that are nuns, but I guess that religion never really clicked for me.

5.       My dad has been in the Singapore Navy for more than 20 years.

6.       My mom was in the Singapore Army when she was younger. Now, she’s a massage therapist.

7.       My stepdad is U.S Navy Veteran.

8.       When he was stationed in Singapore with the Navy, he met my mom.

9.       My parents are divorced. It doesn’t really matter to me.

10.   I’ve lived in Missouri for about two years.

11.   Before I lived in Missouri, I lived in Florida.

12.   I lived in Florida for about six years.

13.   When I was moving to the U.S, my mom told me that we were going on vacation.

14.   I have come to the conclusion that this isn’t a vacation anymore.

15.   Living in Florida wasn’t as fun as everyone thinks it is.

16.   I’ve been to Disney and Universal too many times.

17.   I actually hate bananas and I haven’t eaten one in 8 years.

18.   Bananas smell like rotting garbage to me.

19.   I’m not white..unlike about 98% of Springfield.

20.   I like to believe that I’m musically inclined.

21.   I play violin (10 years)

22.   I also play guitar (6 years)

23.   I have a half-sister and shes really annoying

24.   Emily’s laugh is my favorite thing.

25.   Apparently I say “wowza” a lot.

26.   I like to write songs and then get frustrated and burn them.

27.   I have three dogs and sometimes I have to remind myself that they are dogs and not children.

28.   I am not a U.S citizen but I do have a green card.

29.   I hate when people refer to immigrants as “aliens”

30.   Leopard print makes me want to die.

31.   I’m probably addicted to hot chocolate.

32.   I’m going into the Navy this summer, so that should be fun.

33.   I have a friend named Brandon.

34.   I was raised Catholic..I guess that didn’t work out.

35.   One time, there was a spider on my foot and I screamed and kicked the wall and then screamed again.

36.   Garrick is my best friend.

37.   I’ve traveled to a lot of different countries.

38.   I had my bags searched by police when I flew to Singapore by myself and I cried.

39.   I didn’t even have anything illegal.

40.   I’ve rode elephants in Thailand.

41.   I have my nose and ears pierced.

42.   I really hate Vera Bradley.

43.   Thinking about death makes me very anxious.

44.   I’d rather stab myself than drink orange juice.

45.   The first time I shot a gun, I was shaking so bad that I didn’t even hit the target.

46.   I have an incredible love for the Indian culture.

47.   I drink a lot of green tea and black coffee.

48.   I plan to buzz my head after graduation and I’m really excited to do it.

49.   Garrick follows me on twitter and I feel incredible honored.

50.   Most of the time, I feel like everyone hates me (lol).

51.   I know every word to the Phantom of the Opera…including the spoken parts.

52.   Samuel Barber’s Adagio of Strings makes me cry.

53.   I am deeply fascinated with psychology.

54.   When I go into the Navy, I’ll ship out as a Personnel Specialist, but I eventually want to become a Combat Medic.

55.   17 was the worst year of my life. I’m glad I got out of it alive.

56.   Sometimes I forget that not everyone can read sheet music.

57.   I hate the cold and it makes it 10 times harder for me to get out of bed…so I don’t.

58.   I wish that I could wink, but I’ve never been able to wink.

59.   When I mess up, I say “oops” or “oh well” and then I pretend like it doesn’t bother me but it does.

60.   I’m a lowkey perfectionist.

61.   I get really angry when I make mistakes.

62.   I’m actually really good at push-ups…surprisingly.

63.   I tend to give up easily when I get in an argument, even if I’m right.

64.   My lips are chapped all year round and I never care to fix it.

65.   My lips bleed at least 3 times a day.

66.   I hate the circus (because animal cruelty).

67.   My favorite author is Ellen Hopkins (How ironic)

68.   I have a really bad habit of speeding when I drive.

69.   The mall makes me nervous

70.   I have a small obsession for John Mayer’s voice, although I don’t like to admit it.

71.   I’m lonely

72.   My nose starts to bleed after a while when I’m on an airplane for a long time.

73.   I don’t get angry very easily.

74.   I don’t know if I’m chill and laid-back or just really lazy.

75.   It is taking me forever to get through this list.

76.   I’m a very boring person and I have no one else to blame except myself.

77.   I journal at least 2 to 3 times a day, every day.

78.   I tend to act like things don’t bother me and then they usually do.

79.   I’m a completely different person when I’m alone

80.   I like being alone, but I don’t like being lonely.

81.   My mom yells at me for humming in the house all the time.

82.   I don’t usually realize that I’m doing it

83.   I care a lot about my friends..probably a lot more than I should

84.   Emily says that I have long eyelashes.

85.   My eyelashes don’t curl

86.   I look like 12 year old boy.

87.   I have four full journals and I can’t decide if I want to burn them or keep them forever.

88.   I’d rather be on the computer instead of watching TV.

89.   Two of my friends died in 2012.

90.   I played my violin at their funeral.

91.   My grandparents were forced to get married during the Japanese occupation of Singapore in World War 2.

92.   I come from a long line of alcoholics :--)

93.   I’m disappointed most of the time, but mostly in myself.

94.   I’ve spent the night in a playground, in Singapore.

95.   I speak Malay although not a lot of people know that it’s a language

96.   I’ve bottle fed a tiger cub in Thailand.

97.   I would really love to go to Africa one day.

98.   Prozac Nation is one of my favorite movies.

99.   I have conversations with my dogs.

100. It really bothers me that there are 190 calories in two tablespoons of peanut butter.

 101. I don't eat peanut butter.